I can tuck mytits in my pants
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
