Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
