Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
