You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
