What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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