did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
