Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
