Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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