he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
