the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
