So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
