I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
