I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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