Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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