I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
