yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
