I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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