That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Randomize
