her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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