It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
