You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
