Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
