I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
