Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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