I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
