just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
