Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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