come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
