yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
