i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish I only lived at night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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