Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My feet surprised me
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