I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
did i walk over a car last night?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
