Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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