It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
