my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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