i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
