i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Your cock deserves a montage
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
