Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
