just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He passed out mid-signature
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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