He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
