So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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