this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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