and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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