please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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