he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
