You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My vagina is officially offended.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
