I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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