when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
