I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
