Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
