i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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