I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
