reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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