God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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