i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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