And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
