'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
