I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
