Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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